Why the blog? Community and Mental Health

I have wanted to start (and be consistent with) a blog for over a year now. The fact that I’m starting now is a clear indication that it was not the most easily achievable of my dreams. Something so simple. Mundane even, it may seem to some.

But as someone who struggles with mental illness, consistency, motivation and drive do not always come to me easily- if they come at all. If you are someone that relates to this, especially as a creative then you understand that ‘Impostor Syndrome’ can hit you a million times harder when you’re having your bad days.

Now to be fair, not all my issues with starting were super depressing, it was all about lack of consistency, and also my inability to find my ‘Thing’. You know the ‘Thing’. That one thing about creatives that sets them apart, the difference they bring to the table. That ‘Thing’.

Now I know this is probably just capitalism speaking but I felt like unless I found my ‘Thing’ then there was nothing I could honestly write about, talk about, take inspiration from. At least not nearly enough to sustain a blog that anyone would care enough to read.

This would be the part where I tell you that admitting that was a turning point and I saw the light or had a psychic dream that revealed my ‘Thing’ to me. But no. Because that’s not how mental illnesses work.

My aha moment came in the form of my therapist and an invitation to a studio from a friend. My friend invited me to shoot a video on mental health with her, sharing my story and I remember realizing how much I actually enjoyed talking about my mental health… mental health in general. It was one subject (because of its plague on my life) I researched a lot about and enjoyed engaging in healthy, constructive conversation about.

Even then, I still had not convinced myself. After a session with my therapist a week after the videos shoot and in the middle of a manic high (Mania is a symptom associated with different mental health disorders- in my case, Bipolar). I found conviction. If i was religious, it would have been my come-to-jesus moment.

Mental health was my thing. I had spent a long part of my life hating that fact but there it was. Clear as day.

Being mentally ill, I spend a lot of time talking, thinking and even writing about my mental illness and I almost couldn’t believe it had not struck me until now to blog about it.

This is not to say that every person with a mental illness owes to themselves or anyone else to “use their mental illness for good” (such phrases are harmful and counterproductive) but rather that I felt it was what I was compelled to do and a challenge to myself that I could not back down from. I wanted a place for people to find relatable content as well as helpful information. I wanted community. In my search for said community I realized that if it cannot be found, then it can be created. And so…

Welcome to Feelings by Phoelings.

NB

I’m not a licensed mental health professional, just a person with a blog.